What are holidays for? For me, its studying. Getting back on track and get the engine started. Getting back the results this time is like setting fire on my ass. How the hell can I even enter a poly with such a grade? Let alone Junior College. I want to enter my dream course. I MUST obtain at least an A2 for Mother Tongue. I want to secure my dream occupation for myself. I MUST keep to my promise to someone. There are loads of other things waiting for me to accomplish. And I just cannot stop here. Lin, buck up!

But something seems wrong. It's just not the real me. I can't even feel my own presence anymore. Somehow, I feel like I'm lost somewhere, out there. Everything is getting out of hand. I don't know why. I don't know how. Everything just doesn't seem right anymore. Things that I thought may happen the way it should isn't happening. I'm facing struggles and I'm taking chances. But I know when the dark clouds are gone, things are going to be better on the other side. I just want to find her back.

If people are only comfortable with the one side of me that I consistently show them, then maybe they don't really know the whole me. Its my job to be strong enough and secure enough to show them that I can be a different person at different times. What's wrong with being unpredictable? Whether it's a desire to be quite or a need to express a deeply felt opinion or perspective about work, I have to work to give myself the freedom to be me. Even if I don't always know exactly who that person is. Even if others may not like or accept the new me. Me greatest responsibility is to myself and to my personal growth.

I learnt the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feeling, even if I respect theirs. Being a good person doesn't guarantee that others will be good people, too. You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be a person. As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away.

I guess everything is just a matter of time. Times change, and people change. I'm seeing people moving on, but sometimes I feel that I'm not. People that I adore or respect turned out to be people I hate or get disgusted of. Whatever that is, I'm hating it. I don't see the point of pondering about the past. Those stupid good-for-nothing memories are killing me..and my brain cells....I cant believe I was actually that stupid to wait, wait and wait...and then wait again. Well, thanks to someone, I finally got over something I couldn't for the past few months. I thought it was only part and parcel to go throught such a hurdle. Apparently, I was proven wrong. Time has it. I didn't know much of it, but it came too soon.